THE DAILY QUOTE OR TWO

[shoplineca]

I thought that it might be fun to post a daily quote armed with a bit of humour. Everyone is invited to add theirs, but lets keep them (somewhat) clean.

Saturday's Quotes (based on work):
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.

Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

Malcolm

[llee2]

Here's what it should say on my office door:

If you have a question, please ask.
Remember, there's no such thing as a stupid question.
But that's not meant as a challenge.

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Sunday Morning Quotes for the day:

The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

Malcolm

[muminlaw]

Those are all great - a super way to start the day (and it IS the start of the day here)! I wish I had something to add.

Glenda

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Glenda
You just did. Thanks.

Malcolm

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Sunday Evening Quotes for work:

It's only unethical if you get caught.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Your job is still better than asking "You want fries with that?"

Malcolm

[muminlaw]

Super Malcolm ... thanks for those!

For those who might recognize #4, it started out as one one of Aesop's Fables!! Oooooooohhhhhhhh ... am I old or what!!???

Glenda

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Tuesday Morning Quotes:
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

Malcolm

[muminlaw]

If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

Can it be a coincidence that "Stressed" is "Desserts" spelled backwards?

Ever Notice that when we start life ... it is in Diapers? Later they are called 'DEPENDS'.

You don't stop Laughing because you Grow Old,You Grow Old because you Stop Laughing!

Glenda

[shoplineca]

Way to go Glenda!!

Here's my contribution for Wednesday:

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

Malcolm

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Thursday Morning Quotes:

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

1. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

2. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

3. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

4. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

5. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

6. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

7. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

8. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

9. Every time you make ends meet, they move the ends

Which reminds me, A lady walks into the butcher shop and asks the butcher for 2 pounds of sausages. He weighs them and hands them to her after she pays him $6.95. She gets home and notices that half the saugage is filled with sawdust so she returnes to the butcher to compain to which he says "Come on lady, you know that now-a-days, its hard to make both ends meet!"

Malcolm

[ospreylinks]

Oh I get it.... meet and meat.... clever! Took me a minute but.....

Jeff

a.k.a. staying away from sharp objects.

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Jeff
I know, too early in the morning to have to think it through. I needed 3 cups of coffee to jump start me today.

What helped is seeing that I sold two of my higher-priced instruments between last night and this morning and I have requests to quote on two other higher priced instruments where I have a 99% chance of selling to both parties.

A few weeks ago I was shipping out products twice a week, for the last 2 weeks I had been shipping 3 times per week and now I am having to ship 4 times per week.

I wish the Christmas buying spree was year round. I just start getting accustomed to some good volumes and then by February it all goes flat (reltively speaking).

Malcolm

[muminlaw]

Ooooohhhh Malcolm, it might go flat but you're too sharp for me this morning!

Glenda

[shoplineca]

Glenda
My daughter's alarm is her stereo that is set for 6am at around 9 on the volume scale. Her stereo is against a wall right next to my bed so starting at 6am every week day morning I am listening to Rap and Hip Hop.

I dont know if that is a good way to wake up or not but it sure is a challenge. I usually get up for 1/2 an hour (until she turns it off) and go back to sleep until 7:30am.

I used to get up on my own at 6:30am to start my day (no alarms) and it was quite pleasant. Oh well, for a daughter that used to sleep in, I am not about to rock her new schedule as she is up and ready for school with enough tome for some breakfast and that is what is important.

Malcolm

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Friday Quotes:
1. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

2. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

3. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

4. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.

5. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

6. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.

7. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

8. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

10. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

11. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

12. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

13. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Malcolm

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Saturday Quotes:

1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

2. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

3. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

5. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

6. Never buy a car you can't push.

7. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.

8. The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late!

9. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

10. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

Malcolm

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SUNDAY QUOTES (a little different than the usual):

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Some people are like Slinkies . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.

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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

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In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Malcolm

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MONDAY's QUOTES (I'm in the US on Monday so I have to leave these tonight).

Actually I decided to deviate a little tonight and thought that I would suggest the following corporate mergers for 2006:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R.Grace Co. will merge and become...... Hale,Mary,Fuller,Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros. and Zesta Crackers join forces and become........Polly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as....... MMMGood.

4. Zippo Mfg., Audi Motor Car, Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge to become, of course....... ZipAudiDoDa.

5. Federal Express is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and consolidate as......... FedUP

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become ..... Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become....Poupon Pants

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the Nat'l Org. of Women will become.... Knott NOW

9. Mobile Oil is purchasing what is left of Enron and will be known as MORON

Cheers!

Malcolm

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Wednesday's Daily Quotes:

1. Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends alot on the kind of chick he marries.

2. Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

3. Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

4. When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide
which one.

5. If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

6. On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.

7. A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

8. The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.

9. Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

Malcolm