How do you as a seller respond to Best Offers that come with unsolicited personal information?

[momcqueen]

I'm not hard-hearted but I am always at a loss as to how to respond to a buyer who adds as part of their Best Offer some kind of hard-luck story. It happens routinely, and has since I began selling here. 

Generally, if the message comes via Messages after an Offer is made, I reply with non-commital sympathy along the lines of, "I'm sorry to hear of your troubles...." but when the offer literally contains within the Terms section some detail about their one-legged dog being sick, I am at a loss. Those I tend to pretend I haven't seen.

Do buyers expect that if they have an autistic nephew, or just had their furnace breakdown that this will influence my asking price? Or that they're broke. Always broke. As if 85 per cent of the folks who sell on ebay don't have hard-luck of their own. If I replied to the buyer honestly, I could probably one-up them every time! Obviously, that's not what the buyer is looking for. 

I don't think Customer Service at Walmart hears these stories, do those of you who sell at Trade Shows and Craft Fair hear this too? Or am I the only one. Or maybe the rest of you do, in fact, lower your prices when someone tells you some detail of their sad life. 

I don't mean to sound mean but.... what the heck is a seller supposed to do? It's not my fault a buyer finds themselves in less-than-desirable circumstances; I'm in that situation myself half the time too. Like....?

Do you ignore the comments? Or what.  

[tobyshitzu]

I have never used best offer, and never respond to the many offers I get anyway.   I had 2 this year ask for me to send them items for free!  One was a $200 item, he was willing to "promote your ebay store on my youtube channel" if I sent it to him.  I just ignore them all, along with dumb questions. 

[momcqueen]

Oh my gosh. Free. Is that the kind of thing that a user can be reported to ebay for asking? I should think so. It is akin to conducting business outside of ebay, no?

[jt-libra]

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@tobyshitzuwrote:

I have never used best offer, and never respond to the many offers I get anyway.   I had 2 this year ask for me to send them items for free!  One was a $200 item, he was willing to "promote your ebay store on my youtube channel" if I sent it to him.  I just ignore them all, along with dumb questions. 

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I had forgotten about this, but a few years ago, I also received an offer from a woman who said she would use my products for her You Tube videos showing how to properly apply make-up .... I said, no thanks.  I've seen a lot of these types of videos but I don't think they do anything to promote the seller's items .... the ones I've seen are pretty unprofessional and, in some cases, border-line sleezy.

[sylviebee]

I find it easier to understand why someone would send a sob story asking for a discount than understanding why you'd believe it.

Most people with authentic troubles don't put them on the table asking for discounts.

[mcrlmn]

Accept or decline

[momcqueen]

That's the other thing, I have my share of woes as well but you could be darn certain I keep them to myself. My pride would not allow me to beg from a total stranger even on ebay where I would not have to face them to do so. 

The only time I think I fell for a 'sob' story was in my early days of selling with a lady who won an auction but then could not pay for it. Another week, please wait another week, she kept saying to me. 'Are you sure you still want this?' I'd ask, 'We could cancel it.' 'Oh yes,' she'd reply. 'Please wait another week.' Finally, after three weeks or more, she paid, and as reward for my limitless patience, she left me a soft positive claiming she expected the toy to be bigger. Like...? Bigger. It's Duplo, lady, you know how many pieces it is and how big a piece of Duple is and how big it would be when it was assembled. Thanks for nothing. 

And that wasn't even asking for a discount for no reason, which is a much bigger favour to ask of a seller. 

[jt-libra]

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@sylviebeewrote:

I find it easier to understand why someone would send a sob story asking for a discount than understanding why you'd believe it.

Most people with authentic troubles don't put them on the table asking for discounts.

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Just to expand on this .... there have been numerous occasions when a buyer has paid exactly what I've asked (no best offer) and then proceeds to thank me profusely for shipping quickly because it would make their ailing mother so happy, or it's something she's wanted for so long but couldn't afford, or her husband just died and she wanted to buy something for her daughter to cheer her up.  I'm sure we've all received these and, to be honest, I don't mind those.  Even when they go on a bit, I just view it as an opportunity for them to express themselves without judgment.  Once in a while, however, it's as though they have somehow forged a friendship with you and continue to correspond for many weeks, or even months.  I do nothing to promote this but find a way to slowly, and kindly, end communication.

It's quite possible that some of these same people are legitimately going through a hard time when asking for a discount, so I try to be polite, but firm, when replying.  It takes the same amount of time and number of words to be kind as it is to be rude. 

[momcqueen]

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@jt-librawrote:

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@tobyshitzuwrote:

I have never used best offer, and never respond to the many offers I get anyway.   I had 2 this year ask for me to send them items for free!  One was a $200 item, he was willing to "promote your ebay store on my youtube channel" if I sent it to him.  I just ignore them all, along with dumb questions. 

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I had forgotten about this, but a few years ago, I also received an offer from a woman who said she would use my products for her You Tube videos showing how to properly apply make-up .... I said, no thanks.  I've seen a lot of these types of videos but I don't think they do anything to promote the seller's items .... the ones I've seen are pretty unprofessional and, in some cases, border-line sleezy.

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It would be interesting whether ebay allows this sort of suggestion to be send to sellers. I'm leaning towards 'no' for the reason being it's kind of spammy and then ebay would get no cut on commission if the seller un-listed an item to send to someone for free in exchange for some dubious publicity. Like, the 'buyer' would get into trouble merely for suggesting it and the 'seller' would get into trouble for circumventing a transaction that began on ebay but ended outside of it.

If I think of it, I'll ask at the Weekly Chat this week.  

[momcqueen]

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@jt-librawrote:

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@sylviebeewrote:

I find it easier to understand why someone would send a sob story asking for a discount than understanding why you'd believe it.

Most people with authentic troubles don't put them on the table asking for discounts.

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Just to expand on this .... there have been numerous occasions when a buyer has paid exactly what I've asked (no best offer) and then proceeds to thank me profusely for shipping quickly because it would make their ailing mother so happy, or it's something she's wanted for so long but couldn't afford, or her husband just died and she wanted to buy something for her daughter to cheer her up.  I'm sure we've all received these and, to be honest, I don't mind those.  Even when they go on a bit, I just view it as an opportunity for them to express themselves without judgment.  Once in a while, however, it's as though they have somehow forged a friendship with you and continue to correspond for many weeks, or even months.  I do nothing to promote this but find a way to slowly, and kindly, end communication.

It's quite possible that some of these same people are legitimately going through a hard time when asking for a discount, so I try to be polite, but firm, when replying.  It takes the same amount of time and number of words to be kind as it is to be rude. 

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Oh yes. With this, I agree. I have gotten to know some lovely people post-transaction. Future orders would be discounted, and a penpal relationship struck. But it doesn't start with a 'gimme' it's much more organic and natural in the way you describe. I aim for polite when I do reply but sometimes it's just too awkward to reply to. In the Terms of the Best Offer especially. If it's sent via Message, I have enough characters to say what needs to be said. 

[rose-dee]

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@momcqueenwrote:

I really cannot sufficiently put into words how excruciatingly uncomfortable it makes me to be on the receiving end of such personal and unsolicited details of a person's life. When doing business. Or trying to conduct business.  

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My view on this, is that to continue to last for years in business, it's absolutely necessary to put feelings and emotions in a separate room and keep the door locked and out of focus.  This isn't always easy, and it often requires a deliberate effort: no, I am not going to get drawn into wasting my time and energy on what is ultimately and clearly an unfruitful proposition for my business.  My time is money, and it needs to be well spent.  

Whether it involves someone telling a heartbreaking tale to try to get a better deal, or a ludicrously insulting low offer, or a raging fury of invective, the best way to handle it is quickly, professionally (i.e. at a bit of an arm's-length) and with a view to the best longer term interests of the business.   It's certainly been well documented that, in the long run, emotional stress can take a serious toll on health.  Intentionally putting such things in a box may actually help one be able to run a better business in good mental and physical health for a longer time. 

I worked as a paralegal in personal injury law for a number of years.  I must have had 10 or 15 horrendous stories of suffering told to me regularly over the phone in any given week.  Many of these people were truly suffering, some very seriously, in all ways, including losing their income.  Their bodies and their lives were in ruins.  I got to know them personally, since I dealt with each one of them over the course of 2 to 5 years until their claims were resolved.  Every week was another set of tragedies.  Yet in order to be effective in my job I had to put my emotional reactions aside and focus on getting results for them in the long run.  I suppose I had to force myself to learn, much like health professionals have to, to wall up the suffering behind me when I went home.  Otherwise I wouldn't have survived to fight another day for these people.   (I have to admit that when I switched to corporate/commercial law, my days were a lot less emotionally charged). 

Now, as a seller, I'm fighting for myself.  Even though the emotional load is far lower than what I once did for a living, I think the equation is analogous.   

[tyler@ebay]

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@momcqueen wrote:

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@jt-librawrote:

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@tobyshitzuwrote:

I have never used best offer, and never respond to the many offers I get anyway.   I had 2 this year ask for me to send them items for free!  One was a $200 item, he was willing to "promote your ebay store on my youtube channel" if I sent it to him.  I just ignore them all, along with dumb questions. 

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I had forgotten about this, but a few years ago, I also received an offer from a woman who said she would use my products for her You Tube videos showing how to properly apply make-up .... I said, no thanks.  I've seen a lot of these types of videos but I don't think they do anything to promote the seller's items .... the ones I've seen are pretty unprofessional and, in some cases, border-line sleezy.

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It would be interesting whether ebay allows this sort of suggestion to be send to sellers. I'm leaning towards 'no' for the reason being it's kind of spammy and then ebay would get no cut on commission if the seller un-listed an item to send to someone for free in exchange for some dubious publicity. Like, the 'buyer' would get into trouble merely for suggesting it and the 'seller' would get into trouble for circumventing a transaction that began on ebay but ended outside of it.

If I think of it, I'll ask at the Weekly Chat this week.  

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Thanks for bringing this up in the chat this week. To recap: not necessarily an 'off eBay sale' violation, but definitely a messaging abuse we would want to have reported so we can take action on the buyer's account for wasting your time.

Also @rose-dee wins a gold star for my new favorite term, 'woe-bargaining'. I snorted and had to tell people around me it was allergies.

[hlmacdon]

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@momcqueenwrote:

I really cannot sufficiently put into words how excruciatingly uncomfortable it makes me to be on the receiving end of such personal and unsolicited details of a person's life. When doing business. Or trying to conduct business. It's like being trapped in a crowded waiting room at the mercy of a doctor running an hour late when your neighbour starts telling you all about their gastroenteritis. I just don't need to know. I'm not unkind. I give more than I should to local non-profits and volunteer more of my time than is wise. But this.... 

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You are absolutely right with how you feel here. It is the lowest form of a tactic that a buyer can use to try to guilt trip a seller by making them feel like a terrible person if they refuse what is typically an unreasonable offer. I personally rarely ever use best offer because it often invites the most toxic buyers on ebay. In a retail setting such a conversation might come up more naturally and be understandable but when someone opens a negotiation with something of this nature it is disrespectful. I generally ignore such messages.

Years of ebaying can make you cynical, because you encounter so many buyers with the same stories:  the my son/daughter bought this by accident buyer, the you'll never sell this item unless you accept my lowball offer good luck with sale buyer, the your item is not as described buyer because I didn't read your listing buyer, the legally blind does your item come with X buyer, the give me a discount and I'll post about you on friends book and mention you in a vine buyer, etc.

If you sell on here for long enough you have heard every story, excuse, etc to the point where it is hard to take anyone seriously when they are conforming to these stereotypes. Sellers got 99 problems as well.