Good Morning!!
Recently 4 auctioneers in our area got together AND HAD A SECRET Meeting and decided they would all charge a 10% buyer's premium at their sales. This had not been done before. They are:
LEO STOCK, Stock Auctions, Stratford Ontario.
Gary Jantzi, Jantzi Auctions, Wellesley, Ontario.
Murray Gerber, Gerber Auctions, Wellesley, Ontario.
Doug Jacob's, Jacob's Auction Center, Mitchell, Ontario
This is price fixing, just as bad as what gas companies do !!
I am circulating the following letter far and wide:
PLEASE DONATE TO THE STARVING AUCTIONEERS FUN(D)
Recently, it has come to public attention, that there is a crisis in the Auctioneering business. It seems that to keep Gerber Auctions, Stock Auctions, Jacob Auctions, and Jantzi auctions, out of the poorhouse, drastic actions are needed. It seems that despite decades of raking in the dough, the poor dears have now somehow, someway, fallen on the hardest of times. It seems we, the customer are mostly to blame.
It seems that some customers, don’t bid as much as they used to, perhaps because of a lack of employment or a depletion in the investment funds held. This unwillingness to overspend, due to a lack of funds, is so seriously hampering the aforementioned auctioneers, that they may have at some point to consider becoming employed themselves.
I am sure you would agree, that the thought of an auctioneer doing any sort of physical labour themselves, is a horrifying image. Can any imagine Murray Gerber saying “would you like fries with that.” The picture in my mind of Doug Jacob, in a Walmart greeters uniform, scares me more, than the tailor hired to make such a garment would be. And what would be the result of Leo Stock cleaning a washroom?(hopefully starting with the ones at the auction house). Will we have to see Gary Jantzi, at the side of the road, a cart full of eggs from his egg farm for sale?
I am sure you will agree, these things, just must not happen. Auctioneers, actually working for a living, is I’m sure, not something anyone ever wants to see. What would be the effect of someone who has always had the pleasure of watching others work, while collecting 25% off the top, actually doing something useful themselves?? I mean, they might actually start to understand the common man and his position. They might lose their sense of entitlement. They might actually get to thinking that the world doesn’t actually OWE them a living.
Can you imagine being on an assembly line with a former auctioneer?? Someone who can talk for 6 hours straight, without saying one word that can be understood? Help Me !!
Now a few more thoughts: We can’t have any auctioneers embarrassing themselves by owning less property, smaller houses, older cars, or second hand clothing. This would be too much. Auctioneers are not like us!! They must make money on every single thing they do in life! It’s the natural order of things. And think about the extravagant Christmas parties, thrown by auctioneers for their customers each December. Without your help, there will be no free cup of coffee in a paper cup, at Jacob’s. No bowl of candy on the counter at Stock’s. No bag of caramels at Jantzi’s, no plate of cookies at Gerber’s. These things cost money you know!!
Now it is time for you to step up and atone, for not bidding ridiculously and expensively as you have done for some 30 years now, faithfully year after year. You must make a donation to the Starving Auctioneers fund! Give as generously as they have given to you. Please choose a donation amount and hand this form and your cash to one of the aforementioned auctioneers:
I pledge the following amount, as a token of how seriously I take this crisis(circle one)
1. Less than Nothing
2. Nothing
3. Let’s call it Even
4. My 2 cents worth(want it now)
5. 10% of Nothing
6. Everything I bought at your sale that was broken, chipped, cracked.
7. Free Coffee once a year
8. I offer to help move stuff for you(for a price)
9. You still Owe me.
