OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

[zarzuella]

Post them here!

For starters -
Try this 'sense' test from the BBC Science site:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/senseschallenge/senses.swf?



Ann

[zarzuella]

Currency Exchange


I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was
trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

Taken aback for only a second,The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

[pjcdn2005]

lol I admit that I had to read that one out loud to get it.

[westernstargifts]

Currency Exchange


I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was
trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

Taken aback for only a second,The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

:^O
lmao

[ujr1867]

No offense to the blondes, but found this today and it was funny.

A blonde was in need of money so she decides to kidnap a child and ask for ransom money. So she gathers the courage to go to the local playground where she grabs a kid and takes him aside. She writes a note, "Your son has been kidnapped. Please leave $10,000 in a bag under the tree by the bridge in Central Park by five tomorrow or you will never see your son again". She then pins the note to the child and sends him home to his parents.

The next day, the blonde is pleased to find the bag of money under the tree by the bridge. With the $10,000 was a note that read, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

[westernstargifts]

A police officer spotted a blonde one night bending over under a street light looking for something. He walked up to her and asked her what she was looking for. She replied that she had lost her diamond ring. He asked "Are you sure you lost it here?" She replied "No, I lost it over there but the light is better here.

[femmefan1946]

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.




AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.



CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[zarzuella]

DEMENTIA QUIZ, or how to feel really stupid fast.



FIRST QUESTION:
YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?



SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE.....?


THIRD QUESTION:
NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.

TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT.. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?


FOURTH QUESTION:
MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:
1. NANA,
2. NENE,
3. NINI,
4. NONO,
AND ???
WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?

FIFTH QUESTION:
A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH. BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.

NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?











~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~















ANSWERS :

1. IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

2. IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE..... WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

3. DID YOU GET 5000? THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100... IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!

4. DID YOU ANSWER NUNU?
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!

5. IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE.
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...

[cgcgraded]

OMG!!!!!! I'm an idiot! LOL

A man sits at the bar. He asks the bartender for a beer. The man drinks the beer then looks in his shirt pocket. The man then orders another beer. This is repeated a few more times until the bartender gets curious and asks the man why he looks in his pocket after he finishes each beer. The man replies...... In my pocket is a picture of my wife.... When she starts looking good, I go home!

[pjcdn2005]

I'm more demented than I thought. lol

[femmefan1946]

One good thing about dementia--- you can hide your own Easter eggs.

[pierrelebel]

[pierrelebel]

JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug Through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.'What does it look like?' she finally asked.The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on It.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it. And handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop"

[pierrelebel]

For all the women reading this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmuqq729DPM

[pierrelebel]

An "old blonde" joke (an image is worth a thousand words) :

[zarzuella]

The White-Out pic is pretty funny :^O

[westernstargifts]

Yeah! She's a Woman.

[westernstargifts]

The Fuhrer reacts to Et@y.

Link

[zarzuella]

The North Dakota Department of Labor claimed a small Bismarck farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

Department of Labor employee: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Farmer: Well, there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
Department of Labor employee: That’s the guy I want to talk to… the mentally challenged one.
Farmer: That would be me.

[axe_n_gear_music]

That's hilarious!!!! :^O...... but I think you could sub "Department of Labor employee" for "eBay Store Owner!!!!!!!"

Cheers,
AXE