OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Post them here!

For starters -
Try this 'sense' test from the BBC Science site:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/senseschallenge/senses.swf?



Ann
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

momoftwingles2
Community Member
Betcha can't watch this video without laughing!

Link


Loved watching this! Thanks for sharing, Judy!
Message 41 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

momoftwingles2
Community Member
Sick Note: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx7aoEBtPXA



Hi Pierre,

This was such a super fun song!

Susan
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

To take our minds off the looming postal strike, here's an hilarious video:



http://www.noob.us/humor/you-will-never-guess-what-this-ad-is-about/



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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

LOL


That's so well done!

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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost.


 


Finally they came into a city.  They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so they pulled up to the curb, the lady rolled down her window and asked:  "Excuse me, sir.  Where are we?"


 


The gentleman on the street replied:  "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan".


 


The lady rolled up her window, turned to her husband and said:  "We're really lost ... they don't even speak English here."


 

Message 45 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Worth watching - I'm still not sure if it's a spoof:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZboxMsSz5Aw



Message 46 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D








A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,   'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part
















'Only when he's been drinking .














Message 47 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

(ok, lets try this one again, this time changing the final word that hopefully won't offend the thin skin sensibilities of the quick-trigggered report finger)


 


A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar.. He never did any of that crap.

Message 48 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Good one  🙂

Message 49 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D


This is for those of us in Ontario right now .....













































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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

 


A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can’t be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down the supermarket don’t get pissed off and buy someone else’s product instead.


 


Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort.


 


The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution — on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using some high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighing less than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done.


 


A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share. “That’s some money well spent!” – he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.


 


It turns out, the number of defects picked up by the scales was 0 after three weeks of production use. It should’ve been picking up at least a dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren'’t picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.


 


Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed. A few feet before it, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing the empty boxes out of the belt and into a bin. “Oh, that — one of the guys put it there ’cause he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang”, says one of the workers.

Message 51 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

That's hilarious.  Thanks for posting!

Message 52 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Does the toothpaste factory management remind you of eBay's? 😉

Message 53 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Well, it certainly does prove that 'Laziness is the Mother of Invention'.



Not sure if I could see eBay management spending $8million to correct something that merely inconveniences their customers ;\

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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

To  Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity



1. In  the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
2. Order  a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with  a serious face.
3. Specify  That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To  Go'. 
4. Sing Along At  The Opera. 
5. Five  Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party  Because You have a  headache.
6. When  Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking  lot,
Yelling 'Run  For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
7. Tell  Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The  Economy,
We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You  Go.'

And  The Final Way To  Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
           
8. PICK UP A BOX  OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY,
GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE  FITTING ROOM IS.. 

Message 55 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D




WOW!   Just look at the resolution on this - use the slide bar on the left and you can get a perfect head shot of anyone in that crowd.    And you didn't think Big Brother was watching ....



http://www.gigapixel.com/image/gigapan-canucks-g7.html




Ann

Message 56 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Holy Moly! Now I understand why the hockey rioters were identified so fast. Gosh.

Message 57 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

So much for "getting lost in a crowd"!

Message 58 of 65
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OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

OT: Jokes, Silly Sites, and General Time-wasting :-D

Retirement Planning




If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49.00 left.




But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of wine one year ago, drunk all the wine, then turned in the bottles for the recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.




Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle

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