THE DAILY QUOTE OR TWO

[shoplineca]

I thought that it might be fun to post a daily quote armed with a bit of humour. Everyone is invited to add theirs, but lets keep them (somewhat) clean.

Saturday's Quotes (based on work):
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.

Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

Malcolm

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Monday, February 7th. I thought that I would post some Quotes about "Community" a word used by eBay to describe the backbone of its existence, its deep pockets, we their Sellers:

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."

"Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community."

Malcolm

[onecrazycanuck]

My office should read: The hours may be long but at least the pay is lousy!

[shoplineca]

Tuesday Quotes that are back to a little humour:

"Any organisation is like a septic tank. The really big chunks rise to the top."

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."

"More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits."

"Money is something you have to make in case you don't die."

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."

"It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money."

"Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."

"Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure."

"I have never been in a situation where having money made it worse."

Malcolm

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Wednesday Quotes:

"Schizophrenia beats being alone."

"If I Promise to miss you ... Will you go away?"

"The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent."

"The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more."

Malcolm

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Better Late then Never for Thursday's Quotes. These are actual quotes from US politicians in 2003:

#10: "I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman." -Arnold Schwarzenegger, during the recall campaign

#9: When U.S. interrogators asked Saddam Hussein how he was, he responded: "I am sad because my people are in bondage." When offered a glass of water, he replied: "If I drink water I will have to go to the bathroom and how can I use the bathroom when my people are in bondage?"

#8: "You think you are big enough to make me, you little wimp? Come on, come over here and make me, I dare you…You little fruitcake. You little fruitcake. I said you are a fruitcake." –Democratic Rep. Peter Stark, after Republican Rep. Rep. Scott McInnis told him to "shut up" amid a legislative dispute

#7: "George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States. He was appointed by God." –Lt. Gen. William Boykin, the defense undersecretary in charge of hunting down top terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan

#6: "My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and we have people from every planet on the earth in this state. We have the sons and daughters of every, of people from every planet, of every country on earth." –Former California Gov. Gray Davis, during the recall campaign

#5: "I have no problem with homosexuality -- I have a problem with homosexual acts." Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), clarifying earlier remarks in which he equated homosexuality with bestiality

#4: "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up like Newt Gingrich wants to do." –Television evangelist and Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, on wiping out the State Department

#3: "My answer is bring 'em on." —President George W. Bush, challenging militants attacking U.S. forces in Iraq

#2: "We know there are known knowns: there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns: that is to say we know there are things we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know." –Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

#1: "I still want to be the candidate for guys with Confederate flags in their pickup trucks." –Democratic Presidential Candidate Howard Dean

God Bless Canada!

Malcolm

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Hard to believe its another TGIF. Here are your TGIF Quotes:

1. More than ever before, Canadians are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back loan payments.

2. I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.

... and in light of the recent ad scam inquiry:
3. Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

4. Always forgive your enemies -- Nothing annoys them so much.

... back to the ad scam inquiry and Chretien's testimony:
5. You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

6. The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.

... and in closing, a little poem to brighten your day:

Every speaker has a mouth;
An arrangement rather neat.
Sometimes it's filled with wisdom.
Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Malcolm

[shoplineca]

I thought that I posted a Saturday Quote, how forgetful of me. I guess with all the in-laws staying here I suffered from temorary insanity. So here we are for Sunday anyway:

"Having a little inflation is like being a little bit pregnant."

"Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free."

"When I was young I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. I was right."

Malcolm

[shoplineca]

I have to head out this moring so here are a couple of quickies with Valentine's Day in mind:

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.

It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.


Malcolm

[systemagic]

"Some day your prints will come."

- Kodak

[systemagic]

"One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods. He tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just couldn't get her away from him... After a while, they became the first married gods."

- Robbie, age 8

"No one is sure why it (love) happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."

- Mae, age 9

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."

- Gavin, age 8 (Concerning why lovers often hold hands)

"I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it."

- Julia, age 10

"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour."

- Wendy, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."

- Martin, age 10

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR. 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."

- Allan, age 10

"Never kiss in front of other people, It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you... If nobody sees you I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."

- Kally, age 9

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"

- Bert, age 5

[systemagic]

“I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,

I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.

Bernoulli would have been content to die.

Had he but know such a-squared cos 2(phi)!”

- Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad

[systemagic]

Musical Interlude:

"When an eel bites your leg,

and the pain makes you beg,

that's a Morray!"

[systemagic]

“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.”

– Gloria Steinem



“Love is eternal. The aspect may change, but not the essence.”

– Vincent Van Gogh



“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”

– Hellen Keller

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
- Phyllis Diller

[systemagic]

"The strongest and sweetest songs yet remain to be sung."

-Walt Whitman

"For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

"It (love) is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end." - Leonardo da Vinci

[systemagic]

Now Available: "You're My One and Only" Valentine cards in the Large Economy Multi-Pak!

[shoplineca]

Friday Fee Increase Day:

I don't deserve a fee increase, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the company are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

"It is a good idea to believe only half of what you hear, but be sure the half you believe isn't the wrong half."

The biggest is not usually the most influential. That's why the elephant is not king of the jungle.

I'm never wrong. I once thought I was wrong, turns out, I was mistaken.

Malcolm

[systemagic]

http://www.office-humour.co.uk/pop.cfm?link=http://www.geoffellis.com/ebay.html

[shoplineca]

Its been a while and I will probably loose my PS status soon so I thought I may as well get in a few more funnies. These are more of points to ponder than quotes:

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money, called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food? There is fish flavored!

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?

Malcolm